Submissive needs dominant

Added: Vana Mchale - Date: 22.10.2021 14:00 - Views: 39868 - Clicks: 3856

I recognise there are other equally valid relationships in our world. If you prefer to do it in your own time offline, you can download it as a PDF. A major cause of failure of such encounters comes from the needs of the parties not being met — either the submissive or the Dominant. When the D and the s or the Top or the bottom are on the same — then it THE most wonderful experience for both. This worksheet helps to work through submissive needs and wants — distinguishing the two and gaining greater clarity regarding what your needs are.

Absolutely the s has needs!! Take the need to keep breathing for example bet that rates fairly high — yes? First off we need to know what type of interaction we are going to engage in. Sometimes you might be starting with a one off play that may grow to more — with the hope that it will be the right person for you and become a fuller relationship.

Why do we need to be clear on this part first of all? Well your needs vary depending on the nature of the interaction you are having- so working that out first is a great move. Next step is to list down all the things that you dream about that interaction relationship having. So if you are looking at a one off play session — what does your dream play feel like — look like sound like?

List all the things that come to mind. For example — its safe but feels exciting — it challenges me — its full of pain if you like that! He uses a flogger or he uses his hand? Pick the type of interaction you would like from above. Now list down all the things that you dream of. Go for it!

This is your dream after all. Great work if you get stuck, get in touch with me using the FetLife contact details at the end of this article and we can work it out together. Needs are core to who you are.

Submissive needs dominant

They are either important for life — like food, money, shelter or they are vital for your long term happiness, well being and emotional state of mind. They are life giving to you. Without these being met you cannot be happy or fulfilled or reach your full potential as a person.

You need food but may want chocolate I know I know……. If needs are not met — either in frequency or depth — in ways that hold meaning for you — then you could feel unhappy, stressed, frustrated, depressed, not on solid ground, unable to trust, unfulfilled, lonely, that something is not really right or worse that you in some way are failing. All interactions and relationships are successful if the needs of each of the parties are met. This applies to vanilla or power exchange relationships.

Needs and wants are unique to each person. Never allow yourself to be told that your need is not valid or you are silly for needing it! We might hope that the Dominant of our dreams is so inside our head that they can read our minds although with mine — I hope he is not that perceptive at times! Need — session is full of pain then you need pain Want — uses a flogger or his hand — you may want him to use a flogger on you — but really can you convince him if asked that this is a need that will endanger the whole session if not met?

Or how about private? Sometimes they even blur for the D and the s who have been together for a while. OK so you have a general idea if not contact me. How about you give it a go for the interaction or relationship you picked to work on. What are your needs in this situation?

Submissive needs dominant

What do you think might be three wants you have from this? He may or may not meet your wants. As a submissive we have some special needs that does not mean we are Princesses as such — but in order to be submissive to our Dominant we have a particular range of needs. As you read this list, jot down three or four that really strike a chord with you. Are we talking safe to play with or safe to allow into our families and homes? Are we saying safe to meet with for coffee or safe to be tied to a cross with?

Do you have any more that come to mind? What other things would tell you that someone is safe for you? Jot them down. Taking each of the above submissive needs we can ask the same question: what will I be seeing, hearing or experiencing that will tell me that my need is being met? In a way that is meaningful and effective to you. I will give you some prompts and then there is a space for you to jot down your own thoughts so you gain greater clarity. What sort of structure do you need in order to thrive? Do you need a lot of structure in your day or a little?

Do you need a sense of order? What gives you that?

Submissive needs dominant

Even as a bottom in a one off session — the Top may say do it this way rather than the way you are doing it. In other types of relationship the D needs to be able to tell you their preference. Or I need it done this way or in that order etc. Correction does not mean that you have failed in some way — it means that your D cares enough to let you know how to please them more fully.

Discipline is a little different from my perspective. It means that the s has done something that is not acceptable to the D — either they have crossed a line — or broken a rule — or acted without respect etc. Do you expect this to be part of your dynamic? Is there anything that would affect you negatively when corrected for example something especially traumatic from your experience Do you feel a need to be told if something can be done better?

What is important to you regarding correction or discipline? For example — do you need it to be done in private as opposed to public? Do you need it sooner rather than later? Do you think you may need a chance to reflect on it and need some space to bed it down? Is this important to you? What tells you if you are being of service?

How do you get to feel values? What is important to you that your dominant feels? What kind of service do you feel most able to offer — for example — sexual service, cleaning, internet research etc.

Submissive needs dominant

List down your skills that you feel may be of service to a D. How much do you need this? How important is this to you? What sorts of things will you see, hear or experience that will tell you that you are pleasing? Is it a certain combination of these? What degree of control do you really need? Do you like your D to set you a task and leave you to it unless you need to clarify or are struggling? Or do you need them to be involved in the depth of things they control? Some submissives are more like a rambling rose.

They like wider spaces in which to flourish. However some get lost in too much wide open space and need a pot in order to thrive. Which do you feel you are? Jot down some notes on it. What sorts of things make you feel dominated? Is it — tone of voice, rougher sex. What tells you that you are loved? Is it through words — do you need a lot of verbal feedback? What s do you look for? What tells you that?

How important is it to you? At times it Submissive needs dominant be radically different. Do you want your D to challenge you? Do you see this as part of their role to grow you as a person? In what areas of your life do you feel happy to accept growth challenges or tasks from the D?

For example, do you want them to be setting tasks to develop you physically, emotionally, at work, socially, spiritually? Are there areas where you currently do not feel comfortable with the D in that role? Note: If you are currently in a relationship you may like to discuss this worksheet with your D and of course please feel free to share feedback with me, or ask questions. She developed this worksheet as a starting point… a discussion point… for submissives who are newer and for those who have traveled some journeys and found their core needs are not being met.

She generously shares this in the hope that it makes your journey more joyful. Notify me of follow-up comments by. Notify me of new posts by. But do s types have needs? So are you thinking wanting of a: 1. Start wherever you are. Or what is your dream long term relationship like — list all the things that make it perfect.

Contained in the above you will find your needs and wants. Difference between needs and wants: Needs are core to who you are. Wants are additional to needs but not required for life wellbeing and longer term happiness.

Submissive needs dominant

Here it is again: a one off play session — what does your dream play feel like — look like sound like? Ok, so going through this we can find needs and wants. Here is an example: Need — session is full of pain then you need pain Want — uses a flogger or his hand — you may want him to use a flogger on you — but really can you convince him if asked that this is a need that will endanger the whole session if not met? One of the problems though is that we are often too general to really help us or our Dominant. For example we all say that we need someone we feel safe with safe is the first step to trust.

We need to get into it a little more. Some things to reflect on: Do you expect this to be part of your dynamic? Being of service — being useful — or valuable — or making a contribution Is this important to you? Being found pleasing being approved of How much do you need this? What is intimacy to you? Being challenged growth Do you want your D to challenge you? December 26, at pm. Barbie says:.

Submissive needs dominant

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